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The Power of Questions for Self-Reflection

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How have you been feeling these last few months? Many people feel like they are in flux. Feeling a lot of uncertainty. Feeling shaky and confused. What kind of impact has COVID and the months of protests had on you?

Our what, where, how, and when has been impacted. The things we had been doing, the places we had been going, how we had been doing things, and how often we had been doing things has been impacted. Our routines have been broken. Our rhythm feels off.

What else has been impacted? Your “why” is reflected in your what, where, how, and when. What you do, where you go, how you do what you do, and how often you do what you do is aligned with your purpose, or your “why”. It’s how you are defining and fueling your “what, where, how, and when”. These too are being impacted. Our sense of direction is off-kilter. Our purpose doesn’t feel as stable or certain.

The Key Question for Self-Reflection

With all five of these areas being impacted, as a result your “who”, your “identity” has also been impacted. Who you define yourself as and what you believe as you is up for some questioning. Who am I if I don’t feel certain about my purpose? Who am I if I can’t do what I want to do, go where I want to go, do things how I want to do them, and when I want to do them? Who am I?

When your “who” is in question, you begin questioning your value, your contribution to your relationships, to your work, to this world.

Here is an exercise to self-assess and know where you really stand.

Think of your spouse or partner or significant other, and imagine if they were no longer present. What skills would you need to learn to do their job in your life? For example if they do the cooking or the taxes or the yard work, do you know how to do these skills as well as them? On a 1-10 scale, at what level would you place them and at what level would you place yourself?

Make a list of these skills and rate them.

Now flip it around. What if you weren’t around; what skills would they have to learn to do the jobs you do?

Make a list of these skills and rate them.

Note, this is a list of your contributions in the relationship. Are you satisfied with your contribution?

Consider these lists as your benchmark. When you reflect back on your skills, your experience, your contributions — these serve as a stable foundation upon which to build your who. This will have you feeling more solid about YOU.

A stronger you will help you pursue your passion, your “why” again. And a stronger you will help fuel the creativity to identify new ways to do what you do, where to do it, how to do it, and how often to do it.

Your “what”, “where”, “how”, and “when” are your behavioral manifestations of your “why” and your “who”. A stronger you helps you reimagine your behaviors.

A re-imagination is greatly needed as the times are changing.

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